OAKLAND, CA — An Oakland man was unable to leave his house today after all attempts at assembling an acceptable ensemble failed. An email to his employer confirmed that Jim McSilver would not be coming to work for the rest of the week, as he no longer had a jacket to match to his shirt, shoes and pants. The missing jacket, which sources have described as black, cotton, relatively inexpensive and “a wardrobe staple,” was last seen in the vicinity of Piedmont Avenue. Neither police nor the jacket’s owner have any clues to its whereabouts. In a statement made through his lawyer, McSilver declared, ”Without this critical keystone of my wardrobe, my only alternative is to be naked.”